A Secret to Share

Anyone who knows me, knows I am the absolute WORST at keeping secrets. The only exception may be to that is my dad, but as they say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” For both of us, I believe it comes from an unquenchable thirst for loving life! When my oldest sister had her first baby, making me an aunt, I posted a picture of him to social media less than an hour after he was born. He was here! I was an aunt! I was so bursting with pride over him, I failed to realize I stole the announcement of his birth to the world from his parents. Whoops. Still sorry about that one, Britt.

I just love celebrating. When my brother sends me a new jewelry design he has worked on, I freak out and it takes everything in me not to post it all over my social media, potentially ruining an engagement surprise. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and I don’t think I have ever been able to wait for the actual day to give him a birthday or Christmas present.

Life is short.

I want to soak up every minute of it, and celebrate every tiny win. I often find myself way over excited about something and being surprised that no one else is celebrating the free donuts at work the way I am. It is something I feel like has given me a unique perspective and a way to connect with people that I otherwise may not. Joy can be infectious, and I think everyone could use a little more of it. That is why I can’t contain it.

On the flip side though, I love connecting with people where they do feel comfortable to confide in me. I love listening, and I want to know what is going on in your life. I want people to feel comfortable to share things that they have been holding in and dealing with alone. Jesus calls us to be this. I believe this is what he means when he calls us to be the salt and the light of the earth.

Matthew 5:13-16

13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[b] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Salt preserves. Light chases away darkness. I think it is imperative that we check in on each other. There are a lot of campaigns lately for awareness around mental health. I think often times the Christian response to this is to tell people they need Jesus. While this is so true, and having the saving love of Christ in your heart, knowing that He has already paid everything, can be the greatest comfort. The body of Christ is not called to close themselves in a closet and focus internally on what Christ has already done for us. He calls us to enter the world. He calls us to get down in the painful and broken and point to Him.

People are desperate for this connection, hence the obsession with social media. There are various Harvard Business Reviews I will link, talking about how social media interaction causes a positive feeling from the hormone dopamine that keeps bringing people back because it feels good. However, this one talks about how more and more young people don’t feel like they have any meaningful relationships that are outside of their online social network. And finally this article from Psychology Today discussing the need for strong personal relationships for someone to thrive and contributes the most to a person’s happiness.

I have a very specific reason for writing this post, and it feels like I am rambling to get there, but I want the point to be met that I recognize the need for connection. I recognize the need for reaching out. I want you to know dear friend, that you are not alone. I pray desperately that you would reach to someone close to you that you have been debating about opening up to. I pray that their heart will be open to receive it without judgement so you don’t have to fear telling your secret. And to the person reading this that feels whole, I am pleading with you to check on those around you. Preserve what is good in the world from the evil that is attacking it, and be the light that enhances that world and helps chase away the darkness.

I have recently experienced some darkness, and grief. It is not the way I hope to always describe it, but it is the best way I know how to express what I have been feeling. My first reaction is to pretend it isn’t there. To ignore the pain that I feel with it, put on a brave face, and tell everyone who knows that I am ok. I have been so blessed to have people in my life that have drawn it out of me. Family that is willing to just let me cry. Friends who tell me I don’t have to be brave and that they will just listen. I received a text from a friend I have confided in that simply read, “How is your heart today?” A simple message but one that allowed me the space to be honest, it was not a good day, and I let myself admit that. Finally, I have recently connected with a woman going through my same situation a few years ahead of me, and her first message back to me was not to reassure me that everything would be alright. Instead she said she was sorry, and that she knew it was hard and I was experiencing grief.

I know I will be ok.

I know I will get past my current feelings. I know I will come to celebrate what is currently making me sad, but until then, I will allow myself to feel it and I will share this secret. It is not one to hold in alone, but to feel deeply and share.