Difficult

This week I have been struck by a word that seems to be hanging out behind me, I try to ignore it, thinking if I do, it won’t tap on my shoulder and rear its ugly head. The word is difficult. I called my mom this past week about some tough decisions I needed to make, and through tears I ended up saying “Haven’t I had enough ‘hard’ this year? Can’t I get a pass?”

Later that same day I met up with a friend who just wanted to talk. I sat with her and cried as she told me she had just had a miscarriage. There I was swallowed up by the ridiculousness of thinking my silly decisions were hard. This was difficult, I sat with her and I cried.

I read this week about a new friend I have met online because both of our babies have had open heart surgery. She found out that her two year old baby girl will have to have open heart surgery again. This was difficult.

Just now while on a break from work to get some water, I scrolled through Facebook on my phone and read about two other friends who were sharing about their loss through miscarriage, rather than a celebration and pregnancy announcement. This was difficult.

Why do these things happen? Why are we confronted with diagnosis, loss, hardship, and pain? What purpose could be had in something so terrible and painful. I over this past year have had my fair share of questions and begging God for answers. Why would my little baby have life threatening conditions and have to go through traumatic surgeries to correct them?

Personally all I can do to comfort in these situations is to share what I have experienced through my questioning. There has been some relief in seeking out verses that talk about Jesus’s comfort like Proverbs 18:24 “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Or how Jesus is willing to take all of my anxiety 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” Or Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving submit your requests to the Lord.” How Jesus will provide peace in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And countless others, but when my own heart has been broken by “difficult” things, there is a level of disbelief in these words. How can these things be true when my heart hurts the way it does?

The most beautiful description of the character of Jesus and the truth of His words I believe is depicted in His actions regarding Lazarus. In the beginning of chapter 11 in the book of John, Jesus is contacted by dear friends of His. Mary and Martha contact Jesus to let Him know their brother, Lazarus is ill. Jesus explains to them and to the disciples that the sickness and death of Lazarus will bring glory to the Lord. Jesus knows, He will raise Lazarus from the dead and tells them this openly. When Jesus gets to the house, and Lazarus has died, Jesus sees Mary and her friends weeping and Jesus cries with them… Let that sink in. Jesus weeps even though He knows life is on the other side of the door. He knows He will walk in and raise Lazarus from the dead.

I have never before read this with such a closeness to Jesus as I have when my own heart was crushed. Jesus weeps with me even when He knows the goodness of what will come. He is not bothered or annoyed by my disbelief. He does not see me in my lowly state and say, “Joanna, don’t you know there is life everlasting? This life and its hardships don’t matter.” His heart breaks with mine, and He holds me.

My prayer is that in every difficult thing that you may go through is that you would know this in the depth of your heart. Jesus cares. Not just a little, but deeply cares for you. He sees your pain and cries with you. But the good news of the gospel is that we don’t have to sit in despair, there is life on the other side of the door. Christ came, paid the price of death, and will one day return to make all things whole. He will return to give life in its perfection.

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

But for now, reach out, call out to Him and the people He has placed in your life. Let others help to carry the burden and cry along side you. What greater purpose could we be called to then to connect and breathe life and hope into each other.